Unchecked Bad Behavior Runs Rampant at Financial Services Conferences
This is part 2 of a series that shares real stories of sexual harassment, assault, and discrimination in financial services. You can read more about the genesis of the project, as well as the other installments to date on the series landing page.
When women in financial services shared their experiences of harassment, discrimination, and assault with me, I immediately noticed how many of the incidents took place at industry events and conferences. Unchecked bad behavior runs rampant at many financial services conferences.
Below are stories of harassment, discrimination, and assault incidents at conferences as told by the women-in-finance who experienced them. The stories are shared with their permission, in the words of the women who wrote or spoke them to me. I edited some submissions for clarity, length, and to remove identifying details of all parties.
Content warning: some of these stories include graphic descriptions of sexual assault.
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I was traveling with my team, who aside from me are all men, and when we arrived, the event hosts - also men - said, “oh, we’ve scheduled you to go with our wives to the spa while the rest of us go meet with the head of our company and head out to dinner.” When I told them, “no thanks, I’ll be joining my team at dinner” they were shocked and told me, “we thought you’d have more fun at the spa with the ladies.”
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While in college I interned for a large asset manager. On the last day of my internship one of the partners hosted people from our firm and other firms in the area at an event in his home. He made my drinks that night. I remember feeling so excited to be there, and to have the opportunity to learn from so many people in the industry. Partway into the event I didn't feel very good; I probably had more alcohol than I realized. I excused myself and laid down on the couch in the very open living space. People had planned on crashing there that night as the house was in the suburbs, and there were other women around my age there as well, so I didn't think anything of laying down on the couch. I woke up later to one of the guests, a man from another firm, on top of me. He had pushed my underwear to the side and his fingers were inside of me. I was shocked. I sat straight up, and he said sorry and left the room. I told one of the women from my firm, who was a good friend of both the boss and the other guy. She replied, "oh, him? he wouldn't mean anything by it. He has a long term girlfriend." I didn't tell anyone else. I was 21 years old, didn’t yet realize what had happened was rape, and felt at fault and like an absolute idiot. Many years later the guy who assaulted me is still in the business. He and my old boss now work together.
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At a recent conference, I was invited to dinner with some big industry names who I admire. I purposefully positioned myself next to the head of the table, destined to be remembered by one of my industry idols, in true nerd-like fashion. I had all of my good ideas ready to go, and we were deeply engaged in an intelligent conversation when one of the men at the table said, “Hey. How about you stop paying attention to the pretty girl and talk to the rest of us.” I knew he didn’t find anything wrong with his comment. As a matter of fact, he thought it was a compliment. What he didn’t realize was that for the rest of the dinner, I wondered if my conversation was truly intelligent, or if I was being paid attention based on my looks.
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At a national conference, a fellow conference attendee tried to kiss me in the elevator. When I rebuffed his attempt, he physically assaulted me leaving me with bruises all over my body.
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I went to an industry conference, had a dinner meeting scheduled with a potential client. When I arrived at the restaurant the two men were intoxicated. One of them grabbed my hand to pull me into the chair next to him, and he then proceeded to try and put his hands on my leg and up my dress. I made an excuse got up and left. I called my boss who felt horrible and reached out to the conference host. The host came and found me the next day to tell me that was “all in a day’s work” and next time I shouldn’t wear such revealing clothing.
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Now What?
What can we do so that women can feel comfortable attending conferences, learning, networking, and growing professionally?
I don’t pretend to have all of the answers but below I’ve offered one idea to consider at the systemic level, and one at the individual behavior level. But before we jump to working on solutions, I urge you to first continue listening to women’s experiences to better understand the problem.
Systemic: Conference organizers have a responsibility to create and maintain a safe and welcoming environment for all participants. A code of conduct that attendees, sponsors, speakers, and staff must agree to, as well as reporting and enforcement mechanisms are a good start. XYPN does this well. Alan Moore, CEO of XYPN, says of the policy, "We recognize that it's hard to advance your career and have a seat at the table if you can't go to conferences for fear of harassment and assault. We instituted this policy so that all attendees are welcome and safe." If you run a conference, consider adding a similar policy. If you attend conferences, ask conference organizers to add a policy.
Individual Behavior: If you witness sexual harassment, assault, or any other type of degrading behavior, say something. Women may feel scared to speak up since speaking up puts them in danger of being on the receiving end of additional bad behavior, so men have a particular responsibility in this area. A phrase that works in many situations is, “hey, we don’t do that here.” Practice it now so you are ready to use it when you witness degrading behavior. Follow up privately with the affected woman to see if she would like support, including helping her to report the behavior. Please respect the woman’s answer and do not push her to report if she does not want to (or vice versa). Article 7 of this series will include reasons why women may choose not to report.
If your company is working on this issue, I would be happy to share learning resources (and will share more in the upcoming articles), and I would be pleased to help you advance the conversation at your next conference or event.
Related Post: Six Requests for Men in Financial Services